Chaos in Wonderland
by Space Whales
Summary: Despite begging, bribing and eventually attempted electrocution, Space Whales has been released into Wonderland. Let us pray. Then review. No, seriously, please review. I hate being left in the dark.
1. Chaos in Wonderland

**I had NO idea that my first thing on here would be a drabble series. Much less a craptastic, absolutely meaningless drabble series about me interacting with the characters like I'm on an estranged version of a coffee/sugar high. In fact, reading this even worries ME, but I'm used to being worried with myself. So that's okay.**

**(Me: *bows repeatedly* Please forgive me for using script-form!)**

**Anywho, nothing in HnKnA belongs to me in any way, shape, form, or edible goodness. (Can you tell I'm hungry right now?) Do the disclaimer, Julius!**

**Julius: Hmph.**

**Me: -_-**

**Well, I hope this brings a smile to your face. Or makes you question my sanity. Because all insane people are geniuses, right? Right?**

Me: *wakes up in rainbowy (Yes, "rainbowy.") world*

Nightmare: *upside down*

Me: *thinking* I wonder why his shirt doesn't fall down when he's like that. Huh… does he have a six-pack? … Nah. Blood doesn't and he's supposed to be the king of sexy… I wonder if Julius has a six pack? OHMIGOSH THAT WOULD BE SO HOT!

Nightmare: *looking more and more disturbed*

Nightmare: …

Nightmare: Ahem.

Me: Oh, sorry, were my thoughts too loud?

Nightmare: *cocks his head to the side* Just a little.

Me: *watches his hair swush* (Yes, "swush.") *thinking* I LOVE HIS HAIR *normally isn't into long hair* It's so shiny… I REALLY wanna touch it…

Nightmare: *floats away*

Me: Aw, c'mon, just a little? Pleeeeeeease?

Nightmare: I think you need treatment.

Me: …

Me: …

Me: If I'm goin', you're coming with me.

Nightmare: *immediately hides*

Me: *sings randomly*

Me: …

Me: … Whoa…

Me: A little more practice and I'll be as good as Gowland!

Nightmare: *dying from sound* *crawls out from behind whatever object he was behind*

Nightmare: Don't. EVER. Do that again.

Me: *unconvincingly* Okay.

Me: *looks around* I wonder why Blood is called the gay one. You're the one who lives in the rainbow-themed world.

Nightmare: -_-

Me: Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Nightmare: You fail at failing. And no, that is not a double negative.

Me: Hey! I went to that website too!

Nightmare: *cocks head* Website?

Me: Oh yeah, no computers.

Me: …

Me: Wait a minute? If there's no technology, then why does Gowland have loudspeakers in the amusement park?

Nightmare: !

Nightmare: Um, ah, look at the time!

Me: And you're not even in character!

_Screen fades_

Me: HEY!

_End_

**Reading through this again makes me want to cry. My humor equals that of a four-year old. But if you would review this and tell me to my face that I fail as a comedian, I might be happier than if you just thought about it and said nothing at all. Hopefully next rant will be more interesting.**


	2. Wonderland Chat

***reads reviews* *squees with absolute delight* *tackles nearest person in a hug***

**Elliot: Mmrphg! (Note: pronounced Im-rr-fug, but REALLY fast)**

**I had no idea that three reviews could make me so happy!**

**Clair: Yuss! Two *ignores BJ for the time being* neurotics!**

**Sephie: Thanks, I'll try to keep it that way.**

**Tori: Thankyousomuch, but for the sake of my inspired-ness, I'll have to do it one more time. T.T But I'll edit the first chapter.**

**Everyone else: Thank you for reading!**

**Do the disclaimer, Nightmare!**

**Nightmare: *vomits blood***

**Blood: *stands up* *dusts himself off and looks around***

**Me: -_- That's worse than Julius. And that's not even punny. Anywho, this was inspired by a certain Skip Beat! fanfic that I love and adore.**

.oOoOoOo.

Ihateholes: Hello, is everyone doing well?

_-alice_lover_01 has entered the chat-_

alice_lover_01: AAAAAAALLLLLIIIIIICCCCEEE! *hug*

Ihateholes: … Get off of me before I skin you.

thing1: get off of onee-san!

thing2: yeah, we were here first!

_-Kittynguns has entered the chat-_

Kittynguns: Hi, guys!

Ihateholes: Boris, how are you?

Kittynguns: A little bruised, but nothing bad. =3

Ihateholes: … Were you in the castle again?

Kittynguns: … uh… ah…

alice_lover_01: Aaaaaaallliiiiccce~~~

_-MidnightT has entered the chat-_

_-notarabbit has entered the chat-_

notarabbit: Alice! Hello! *looks up* Are you two dipsticks bothering Alice again?

thing1: ur the 1 bothering onee-san!

thing 2: go away, stupid chicky-hare!

notarabbit: *irked* Why you-

-Hopelessly_lost has entered the chat-

Hopelessly_lost: *looks around* Alice!

alice_lover_01: Leave now, knight.

Hopelessly_lost: ^_^ I wish I could, but I'm a little… well…

notarabbit:$%&!

Ihateholes: Lost?

thing1: he's lost

thing2: he's lost

alice_lover_01: *sigh* *face palm*

Kittynguns: If you're lost, just say it.

Hopelessly_lost: ^^; I was hoping one of you guys could point me to the clock tower.

Ihateholes: Okay. Where are you at?

Hopelessly_lost: … *clueless grin*

Ihateholes: *face palm*

alice_lover_01: *takes out gun*

notarabbit: $%! You-

thing1: shuttup, chicky hare

thing2: yeah, blondie rabbit, there are kids here.

notarabbit: I'M NOT A RABBIT!

thing1: are too.

thing2: are too.

alice_lover_01: Archetypical rabbit.

Kittynguns: Dude, just accept it already.

notarabbit: Alice~

Ihateholes: Ah… sorry, Elliot.

thing2: she's on our side, perverted rabbit.

thing1: onee-san likes us better too!

notarabbit: GET BACK TO YOUR POSTS, YOU SLACKERS!

thing1: sore-loser stupid hare.

thing2: blond bunny

_-thing1 has left the chat-_

_-thing2 has left the chat-_

_-OffwthrHeads has entered the chat-_

OffwthrHeads: White. Come to the castle if you value your head.

alice_lover_01: Aaaaaalliiiccceeee…

Kittynguns: Don't be such a wuss.

Ihateholes: What Boris said.

alice_lover_01: TT_TT

_-alice_lover_01 has exited the chat-_

_-OffwthrHeads has exited the chat-_

_-almightyME has entered the chat-_

almightyME: Hello, Alice!

Ihateholes: Hi, Nightmare.

almightyME: How'd you know?

Ihateholes: Lucky guess. Don't you have work to do?

almightyME: Gray can handle it.

_-3nursemaid3 has entered the chat-_

3nursemaid3: *sigh* There you are, Nightmare-sama. The whole staff has been looking for you.

Ihateholes: The *whole* staff?

Hopelessly_lost: Haha. Nursemaid.

almightyME: Well I'm not going back and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

3nursemaid3: *uses GPS to track Nightmare-sama's phone*

_-3nursemaid3 has logged out of the chat-_

almightyME: OH $%!

_-almightyME has exited the chat-_

Kittynguns: Why doesn't he just drop his cellphone?

Hopelessly_lost: What's a GPS?

Kittynguns: …

notarabbit: …

_-notarabbit has exited the chat-_

Ihateholes: … Srsly? Whatever. It wouldn't help you anyways…

_-ClockMaster_29 has entered the chat-_

ClockMaster_29: Ace, you've been sitting outside the window of the clock tower for over an hour. Care to explain?

Hopelessly_lost: … *looks up* OHHHHHH…. Okay, thanks Alice! Found it!

_-Hopelessly_lost has exited the chat-_

Kittynguns: Are you sure he's the best one for the job?

ClockMaster_29: *sigh*

Kittynguns: Well, gotta go. Cya l8r, Alice!

_-Kittynguns has exited the chat-_

Ihateholes: …

Ihateholes: So… it looks like it's just you and me?

_-ClockMaster_29 has exited the chat-_

Ihateholes: -_-

_-Ihateholes has exited the chat-_

_-MidnightT has exited the chat-_


	3. Blood and Bowties

****

*deep blush* Julius… I love you! *huggleglomp*

*while hugging Julius*

Claire: Thank you! … Unfortunately, I'll have to brush up on their personality before I try writing as them. However, your little scripts are helping me quite a bit. ^_^

Tori: Can I call you Torio? Like "Oreo," but with a "T." And an "I."

Anywho anyhow anyways… This was inspired by our favorite abusive, child of a gay hatter, Blood Dupre. Stupid Blood. Do the disclaimer!

Blood: *opens his mouth*

Me: *torches Blood with the arm that isn't hugging Julius* Nevermind. *happier voice* Okay, twins, do the disclaimer!

Dee: Heart no Kuni no Alice is in no way owned—

Dum: — possessed by—

Dee: — or in any way under the rule—

Me: Of the tyrannical ruler of whales and all things space!

Blood and Nevva were sitting in the hatter's office. He had his trademark top hat off and would have looked rather attractive if he wasn't projecting an aura that was more egotistical than Nightmare's. Scratch that— even with his narcissistic, arrogant air, he was still very, very charismatic. Studying him as he did paperwork, she thought, That bowtie is, by far, the most gravity-defying article of clothing I have ever seen. I want it. Very badly. However, she knew how possessive he was, and did not want to be on the receiving end of taking something of value to him. At least, not without a bit of trickery anyways.

Finding no plot off the top of her head, she decided she was both bored and suffering greatly from the multitude of pheromones that he was emitting. If she couldn't get the bowtie, there was no way that she was going to suffer through this.

"Um," she started, drawing the hatter's attention, "Am I really not interrupting anything? Will you be able to concentrate with all that work? I could just borrow a book and— "

"No, it's fine," he cut her off with his deep, honeyed voice. Nevva had to squint to see him past all the light in the background. "I told you not to worry."

"But— " she tried.

"You're not a bother, so stay."

His endocrine system won the battle. As Nevva squirmed in her seat, she couldn't help but wonder how on earth such an obnoxious being could be a.) put on the earth (even if it was Wonderland) and b.) be very much _desired_ on said earth. However, not all questions were meant to be answered, and thus Nevva was unenlightened on the matter when the reply did not appear out of thin air.

Frustrated, Nevva glared as hard as she could at Blood. It took a minute to reach him through the fog of cloudy thoughts, but when it did, he glanced up.

"Young lady," he smirked, and Nevva wanted to wrap her hands around his neck. And not in a good way.

"Oh, yes?" she dripped mock politeness.

He didn't seem to notice. "Please don't stare at me so much, you'll burn a hole right through me."

"O-oh my," Nevva dramatically widened her eyes, "was I staring?"

"Yes." He stood up.

_Crap, he DID know that was a glare._

"Although this doesn't feel weird," Blood continued over to the sofa she was sitting on and leaned against the arm. "You were thinking about your ex again, weren't you."

"Wha— ?" Nevva almost gasped. At this point, she was suffocating from the point-blank-range of his charm. She had never had an ex, she didn't want an ex… Who did he think she was? No, really. Who did he think she was?

"So I was right."

How can you think you were right?

"I got bored. It seems more fun to talk to you."

_Ohmygosh, ohmygosh. BRAIN CELLS, HANG IN THERE!_

"It seems I look a lot like your ex."

The only thing she could do at that moment was play along.

"…Just your face. Your personality is completely different."

"That's good. I don't want to think about the possibility of there being somebody with the same personality and face in another world," he fell silent after that, sizing Nevva up. "You sure are a strange woman."

_Gee, thanks, scumbag._

"You visit a Mafioso's mansion like it's normal. Or is it normal in your world?" he moved closer. Nevva panicked.

_I JUST WANTED TO BORROW A BOOK! THERE ARE NO LIBRARIES HERE! DO THE MATH!_ As she became more adjusted to the proximity, her head cleared a little. "No…" she took in another toxic lungful, "it isn't." She decided to continue when he didn't cut in with a snort. "Maybe it's because this is a different world and it feels so unreal. And besides, I heard the other territories were just as dangerous. It's the same everywhere." _But you have books. And I want your bowtie._

"You've got some nerve, young lady," Blood smiled. "Well, it's said that outsiders are loved by the people of this world. I'm sure you won't easily be killed."

_"Killed?" Where did that come from?_ she thought. "Have you met any other outsiders?" _And did they die?_

"I've never met any other, most likely," he admitted, looking straight ahead. Nevva followed his gaze and came across an incredibly uninteresting piece of wallpaper. She studied it as he went on, "Outsiders are rare. It's said that role holders like me can spot an outsider when we see one… but I don't know that from experience. You're the first one I've encountered. That's why I think you're an interesting person." Nevva almost passed out from the burst of brilliance he fired and clung to the chair arm like it was driftwood. "It seems you have blended into this world. What have you been doing recently?"

"Recently? Hm…" _Um… um… random… just anything!_ "I've been helping Julius out."

"The clock tower?"

"Yes," she sighed in relief as he looked away, pondering something. "Other than that, every time I go outside I get into trouble."

He still didn't reply. Nevva, in her fog, somehow thought that meant "go on," so she gave some examples to help him understand.

Blood's face didn't move, but the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

"I see," he muttered. "The reason why you have blended in is because you managed to seduce the men."

_WHAT?_

"Hmph," he smirked again, seeming to gain confidence in his misinterpretation. "It seems that you are quite good at kissing up to them. Most likely…"

A hand extended and brushed against her cheek. She flinched spasmodically. When the temperature dropped, so did his pulchritude, thankfully, and now he just seemed like a creeper with a really cool bowtie and a supremely hot smile.

"…you were the one who deceived your ex, right?"

_Wha?_ Nevva was shocked beyond words. _Did the King of Fling just call me loose?_

"Seducing so many men, what a bad girl."

She huffed and sat up, regaining her senses completely when he made a repetition error: How could he use "seduce" twice within ten sentences? Slapping his hand away, she jumped off of the couch with a "Stop!" continuing when she had put the couch arm between them. "How dare you say that when you're the one doing it?"

The smirk was replaced with a confused frown. "Me…? What are you talking about?"

That did it. Picking up the nearest book, Nevva hurled Webster's Thesaurus at Blood, briefly wondering how they could have something written by Noah Webster in Wonderland. Recognizing her loss in topicality, she chucked a convenient dictionary at him as well. Although he easily dodged both, the confusion on his face was almost spelled out across his forehead.

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about all those 'Oh, Nevva's and the hair holding and the 'if you looked at me with that heat, I guarantee you wouldn't regret it,' and the utter lack of ineptitude that you have at enticing women! You are an enemy of the masses!"

With that, she threw the atlas at him— which landed— and stomped towards the door before remembering something: Glaring, she whipped around, stormed back, ripped off his bowtie, and stalked off.

Later, Elliot entered the room to find Blood still speechlessly staring at the door.

_

****

For some bizarre reason, I have things about each charrie that I love and adore. For Blood, it's his hat, his gun, and his bowtie.

If you didn't notice, all of the dialogue up to "What are you talking about?" was from chapter 14 of HnKnA. At about pg. 27, I realized that he didn't have his bowtie on. He had HUNG IT UP before he sat down at his desk! How dorky is that?

Also, the bowtie isn't the most gravity-defying article of clothing there is. It's Nightmare's ring thing.

AND! I JUST got what the third book's cover was! It was a roller coaster! THAT'S why Julius was looking so sick!


	4. Celery and Scarves

****

Black: O_O Y-you're kidding me with all that *repeats everything that's been censored* right?

Claire: XDD Thank you! Okay… Let me just figure out how to fit them in and hope it works…

Torio: Thanks! I think I might have a psychological name problem: Sometimes after hearing a name, my mind will delete it and replace it with something else. I ended up calling my friend Danielle the name Lauren, and Kendall became Bri. Andrew became Curly, and now you're my next victim. At least yours isn't too off the mark… ^^;

Anyways, I like you too! (*voice in the distance* Run while you can!)

Sephie: I almost fell over laughing when I read the little script. "You're just jealous because you've always wanted it!"

It's true. That's why he wears that knockoff scarf. Ironically enough, this next little rant is about him.

Anyways… Blood! Do the disclaimer!

Blood: … *wary*

Me: Go on!

Blood: *opens his mouth*

Me: *torches him again* Elliot! Do the disclaimer!

Elliot: *horrified* Blood!

Me: … Good enough.

Everyone was happily gathered around the tea party table at nighttime— the "dead of night" as the hatter liked to call it. Nevva looked around cynically, adjusting her new bowtie. It didn't look very dead at all with all the servants bustling around. You would think that the whole staff was required to serve a party of five with all the women who came up to her asking if she wanted more tea— which she didn't drink— or if her chair was comfortable— which didn't matter, seeing as she used her propped-up elbows to support most of her weight. Not to mention the nocturnal animals darting to and fro in the peripheral gardens.

Blood was helping himself to some Earl Gray tea he had smuggled for the occasion. Of course, he was sitting as uncomfortably straight as etiquette demanded, yet he looked perfectly demure as he sipped his tea. Nevva waited for him to raise his pinkie. Unfortunately he didn't rise (pun very much intended) to the telepathic bait, so she was obliged to move on. He was wearing his usual white, long-sleeved and button-down shirt with the top button undone and the collar's corners folded in the unusual way he must have thought was attractive. Although it admittedly was, Nevva wasn't plowed over by the brightness— the bowtie must have been a charm to ward against the suave. Like a cross for a vampire. Looking at him again, Nevva resolved to bring one next time and see if it took effect.

As she was the teapot fountain became the object of her speculation, she thought about how irrelevant it was to have a teapot fountain in the _hatter's _mansion, she saw Elliot lean over to Blood.

"Um, Blood? Isn't that— " he was looking at the newest addition to her wardrobe. Nevva smiled and waved.

Blood's gun _ka-chacked_. "No comment."

Elliot simply nodded, but in a moment, his eyes were lighting up again as he dug into a plate of carrot cake, the smell of which making everyone want to turn around and throw up. Even Nevva, who generally loved carrots.

Looking up to avoid seeing the carrot dishes, our heroine (?) chewed on a stick of celery with peanut butter spread on it to assure herself the sugary vegetable wasn't the only thing to eat. After the fourth tea party she had attended, Nevva began to bring her own food and beverages and found she was much happier because of it.

"Stupid chicky-rabbit," Dum said, wrinkling his nose. "Get a new vegetable."

"Yeah, blondie hare," Dee agreed. "We're even willing to eat _broccoli_ after this."

They paused and looked at each other.

"Well," they synchronized, "maybe not _broccoli."_

"But your stupid rabbit addiction is too much!" Dee pounded his fork on the table.

"Yeah!"

"I'm not a rabbit!" Elliot set down his food in a huff.

"Are too!"

"Are too, perverted rabbit!"

"Are n— "

"Actually," Nevva cut in, lowering her eyes to the group, "he's not."

Silence. The twins went slack-jawed, Blood raised an eyebrow, and Elliot practically glowed.

"Lemme rephrase that," Nevva entered scholar mode. "He's not a _rabbit,_ he's a _hare._ It's a close relation to the rabbit. However, hares are generally taller and leaner," she gestured to Elliot, "whereas rabbits are generally fluffier and sport red waistcoats."

Everyone was silent again. After yesterday's episode, Nevva knew that silence did not always mean "go on," so she promptly stood up and turned to leave.

"Well, this was a fun tea party and all, but I've gotta get going. Oh! One more thing:"

Elliot's eyes locked with her calculating ones as she walked around the table and pinched his nose. When he opened his mouth for air, she shoved in a piece of her celery and stole his scarf.

"EAT SOMETHING ELSE FOR ONCE," Nevva commanded in her darkest tone. When Elliot had shrunk into the upholstery, she smiled.

"Okay. Now I can go. Buh-bye now," she gave a dainty wave and tied the purple accessory around her waist like a belt as she walked off into the sunset.

Wonderland time could be so convenient.

****

I'm slightly saddened by how this turned out, but I got what I wanted: Elliot's knockoff scarf. Next up: ACE!


	5. Pepperspray and Pointy Things

**There's a poll on my profile you should go to. Also, I'm happy to announce that a link to my Julius plushie is on there as well.**

**Ink: Yay! Ink! *tackles to the ground* *suffocating hug* I LOVE that term (bishie souvenir spree)! I will use it! (And yes, I DO know that Fate was the one who started the gay Blood thing. I just like playing it up.)**

**Torio: Thanks a million!**

**Babbit: *covers Babbit's mouth with both hands, releasing Ink* No! Mind reading is not allowed in this topic! However… I didn't think of the Blood+sword thing… *strokes imaginary goatee* I like it… I like it very much…**

**Claire: *drops everything* *lower jaw hits the ground* *sparkly eyes* Claire… *suffocating huggleglomp* You are astounding and amazing! Don't worry, I'll treat him well. I'll feed him and water him twice a day! Three times, even!**

**Julius: -_- I'm NOT an object.**

**Me: *is too busy going off on a monologue to notice what he said* …and I'll bring him for visits and… *continues monologue***

**Julius: Did you **

**Me: *blushes* Julius, I'm so glad you're here! *hugs***

**Julius: *is effectively silenced***

**On the down side… I got writer's block… ^^; On the bright side, it's coming out as early as it is because of your wonderful reviews. They have inspired me! So thank you very much!**

_Perfect. This is perfect, _Nevva thought giddily.

How did things end up being perfect? It started soon after her exit from the hatter's tea party. Walking into the sunset had filled Nevva with a warm feeling of self-importance that quickly dominated every other thought. Flashes of cowboy movies, _Superman_, and llamas whizzed through her head at the breathtaking rate of a winter slug's half-frozen attempt to move. Because this thinking was much faster than she was currently used to (a feeling she was sure many could sympathize with), she took a wrong turn on the invisible path that supposedly led her to the clock tower.

Not noticing amid her menagerie of wooly camels and alpacas, she continued until she came across a bright yellow splotch that could only mean one of two things: A mutant space whale had collided with a Jubjub bird and crash-landed, or Ace was lost again and had set up his tent. And since mutant space whales never crash-landed in forests, it had to be the latter. Nevva skipped over to the bright tent as the said knight pushed his way out.

"Nevva!" his eyes brightened and Nevva thought she saw honey blossoms.

"Ace!" she beamed similarly.

At the same time, they both grinned, "Where are we?" Silence, then, "No clue!" A longer pause ensued before, "Hey, I think I know a short cut!"

Fully believing that the other actually knew a shortcut, the day (sunset) just became brighter.

"Ladies first," Ace radiated.

"Alrighty then!"

Both of them wandered around for an amount of time that would have seemed unnecessary to all those who possess some iota of directional sense, but to our favorite heroine and hero, if they got anywhere at all it would have seemed a shortcut. In fact, Nevva was going pretty much wherever her mind would take her, randomly taking this turn or the next to seem like she knew in the slightest what she was doing. However, when the cycle switched to the early morning, she handed the baton to Ace.

"That's fine," he replied with his son-of-sunshine ray of happiness. "This place looks a little familiar."

This line was quickly followed by another hour or so of aimless wandering and mindless chatter including inquisitions of the bowtie and her new belt, both of which she gave a cryptic reply and glanced at his scabbard.

_That is a niiiice scabbard, _ she thought, hopping over a root with more flourish than was required. _I wonder how I can stea obtain it…_

Just then, the sky turned dark again. The two glanced around before Ace shrugged and summoned his tent from the fourth dimension that was his coat.

"Huh, maybe we missed a turn… I guess we'll have to camp out here."

Nevva thought for a moment, looking at the tent before a smile spread across her features. _Perfect, _she thought giddily. _This is perfect._

Normally when Nevva thinks, as you've seen from the beginning of this rant, it isn't the prettiest thing ever. But this time, she actually had something productive to her goals. If things were like this, she could not only spend the night plotting ways to stea obtain his scabbard, but she could have the time they were lost the next day as well. She smiled as she crawled into the tent.

Inside the tent, there were already two sleeping bags set up. Actually, they were more like two sets of blankets on the ground, but the term seemed to fit with the whole "camping" set-up. Nevva chose the one on the left, because that was the one the main character always seemed to go for and was thus appropriate for the situation. To the right, Ace took off his coat.

"Watching me strip?" he laughed.

"Yeah right," Nevva laughed, completely unfazed. "Hey," she started, "do you have a six pack?"

"What?"

"Nevermind," Nevva took off her bowtie and set it by her side. Lying down on the sheets, she tossed a "Good night." over her shoulder, Realizing that, with Ace being her tentmate, it probably wouldn't be.

Her suspicions were confirmed when a shuffling noise was heard beside her. She whipped up with a can of pepper spray.

"Nice try, Fruitcup," she pointed the nozzle at him menacingly. "Go ahead and try me. I'm prepared this time."

Ace went slightly cross-eyed to keep his eyes trained on it. "Someone's touchy tonight," he laughed, scooting back to his own sleeping bag.

"Here," she tossed the large end of a stethoscope toward him. Like the pepper spray, she kept it in the fourth dimension of her own, albeit imaginary, jacket. When he stared at it blankly, she rolled her eyes, stuck it in his ears, and placed the metal disk above her heart.

Ace's eyes widened, closed, and then he smiled.

"I like this sound. It makes me think that I can change," he murmured.

"Well," Nevva deadpanned, "you change every day whether you like it or not."

"Maybe you do," his voice became cold.

"Of course I do, but I was talking about you. Were you born that size?"

"… No."

"I didn't think so. Could you always wield a sword as well as you do?'

Grinning, he opened his eyes. "Of course."

"Have you always lied to protect your pride?" Nevva glared.

"Haha. I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right. You're just being a pouty little compliment-fisher who doesn't want to work."

"Oh really?"

Ace's expression grew predatory, like Blood when he had his Edward-face on. It scared Nevva. What if he started sparkling? She would go blind from the distance and then have to spend the rest of her life searching for space whales in the dark. Considering the fact that space whales were, firstly silent, and secondly, hard to find even in the light, she might never find one. She would have to cling to Gray to be her eyes, but he would kick her out of the tower to wander around in her blind state with only her pepper spray, bowtie and scarf to protect her. After several days of wandering, she would get attacked by a bear and get amnesia, resulting in an emergency helicopter having to rescue her. Because the said helicopter would be helping her, it wouldn't have time to fly to the mountains where another emergency would be waiting. That person would be the heir of China, who would die and thus be unable to keep a nuclear war from breaking out.

In short, the whole world would get nuked because Nevva couldn't defend herself.

Recognizing this all-too-likely possibility, she screeched and beamed him in the face with her pepper spray. After a short sixty seconds it died, so she chucked the can at him, grabbed both of their possessions, and bolted. As a second thought, she returned and kicked the tent down, leaving a mound of flailing, shouting Ace underneath it.

Nevva ran away that night feeling very accomplished. She prevented a world massacre and got her

Wait. Nevva lifted the load in her arms a couple times. It seemed about two pounds too light. Dumping on the ground, she saw her bowtie, her knockoff scarf… and a jacket. She picked it up and dropped on the ground again, seeing if the result would change. It didn't.

The scabbard was missing.


	6. Pink Ears and Piercings

****

To begin with, I learned a very sad, sad truth the other day: Ace's tent is… blue. Not mutant-space-whale-yellow, but blue. How is his tent BLUE? What the heck? It's like being given a horseshoe when you're expecting a gavel (long story). I mean, it doesn't fit him at ALL. Who the heck has a blue tent? *is obviously upset at the lack of a yellow tent* Anywhoodle (- Taken from Claire)

Earth: Yay! I have a stalker! *is abnormally happy about it* And yes, pepperspray is a must. I only wonder why she didn't use it on Blood… *ponder*

Rose: XDDD I love that. Not just the outside… But the inside… Way to not take things on face value! And the war was a bit of a debate joke. In debate class, if you can make your case logically lead to nuclear war, you almost automatically win XD.

Pasty & Anime: Yay! New reviewers! Welcome to the cult crew!

Babbit: *evil laughter* Heheh… You have NO IDEA! MWAHAHAHAHA! *collapses in a coughing fit*

Ink: Haha XDDD, I loved reading your reactions. And about the space whales thing: It's actually a pretty short, uneventful story, but I'll put it on my deviantart sometime this/next week to let the world know. And to make you guys check it out.

Torio: Thank you as always!

Claire: *dies laughing at the "take him for walks" part* *composes self* Okay, okay. Because I love you oh-so-much, and because… well… _NO ONE HAS VOTED ON THE POLL!_ (Sorry, that was a message to the readers) I'll do the Jokers after this one. But only 'cuz you're awesome and specifically requested. Also, funny that you mention Boris… 'CUZ HE'S NEXT!

Blaze and Noshi: I love you two! *attackleglomps* (And yes, Blaze, I can… *evil laughter*)

My notes… they're getting too long… Ick… Last things to all my non-reviewing/voting readers:

VOTE AND REVIEW! GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO REVIEW!

Last time we checked up on our hero, she was worrying over not having the literal object of her affections. Thankfully, since we had left, she had readied herself for action and had composed herself wonderfully.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Nevva shrieked, taking up an unnecessary amount of line space. Subconsciously registering the trouble that was causing for the author, she shortened her next lamentation. "WHYYYYYY?"

Of course this had to happen to her. Of course her winning streak had to be obliterated by the chance of nuclear war. The one time she had done something that was morally correct, she was punished for it. Of course.

She would never make the same mistake again.

Now armed with her new resolve, Nevva got up and wiped away her tears. Once again, she staggered forward in the theoretical direction of the clock tower. With Rocky's theme sounding in her head, she charged onward, inspiring millions (okay, maybe, like, ten) readers with her avid determination to continue her bishie souvenir spree and get that scabbard.

The question, though, was how she planned to do that. Truth be told, she had no clue whatsoever. That was okay, she had nine more bishies, a foreigner and her family, a queen, and Gowland to go through before she had nothing else to do. She had time. There were at least fifteen more chapters before she had to confront the knight again. That time would be well spent plotting and stealing what she could to build up strength.

Comforted by these familiar thoughts of self-benefit (which is often wrongly construed as thievery), Nevva daydreamed her way through the admission gate of the clock tower.

She stopped, trying to figure out how long that had been there. That, as well as the new abundance of rollercoasters, water rides, teacup rides, and wineglass rides (for those at or above the legal drinking age). She turned to ask the nearest worker.

"Hey, do you— woah," she stopped, examining him. He had bright magenta hair, a fluffy boa, cat tail and ears, and looked a little like a golden-studded jewelry rack. "Didn't know guys were that into halter tops," she finished.

They examined each other for a while. If it weren't for the fact that they looked nothing alike, they would be identical.

"Uh, hi?" the color-desensitized cat finally said. "I'm Boris Airay."

It had been years since her escape, and perhaps her memory failed her, but she threw it out there. "Boris?" Nevva grinned and clapped him on the back. "Boris, from the mental ward, am I right?"

His face told her she wasn't.

Her own fell as she looked him over once again. Closer inspection revealed that he was not, in fact, her buddy from the funny farm, but a kitty wearing seven piercings and a spectacular chain that went from his sleeveless halter top to his… was that a skirt? Anyways, everything was better when it was bigger, like Post-it notes and thumbtacks, and Boris had a chain with very large links.

As Boris Not-from-the-mental-ward Airay noticed Nevva staring, he smirked and struck a pose that he probably thought was attractive. However, Nevva thought it came across as an exaggerated female impersonation.

"See anything you like?"

"Uh-huh," Nevva smiled, gazing at the chain. That would go great with her scarf.

He looked surprised, but composed himself when the loudspeakers blared.

"For the grand opening of the _Intestine-Splitting Scream Ride,_ every game is half-price!" a Barbie-style spunky voice chirped. Nevva visibly twitched. "Half-price for forty-five minutes! Don't forget to ride the _Intestine-Splitting Scream Ride!_"

"Hey, did you hear that?" Boris asked.

"Yeah. No wonder she doesn't go out in public," Nevva hugged herself. "With a voice like that, I wouldn't either."

"No, I meant the half-price thing."

"What's half-price?"

"The games."

"Eh? Why are the games half-price?"

"To celebrate the opening of the new ride."

"There's a new ride?" Nevva looked at him confusedly. Weren't all of these new? "Oh, yeah! Why are these even in the clock tower?"

"What are you talking about?"

Silence passed as Nevva thought. Finally, "Was I talking?"

"Nevermind," Boris said. For some reason he looked exasperated. He started to walk away, so Nevva followed the chain. After all, the sparkle knew where it was going better than she did. And the sparkle was always correct. Sparkle.

They ended up at a small foam basketball stall. After a bit of whining, Boris agreed to let Nevva throw the last of the three balls they received. Boris did well, getting both of his into the basket by bouncing them off the backboard. Looking proud, he turned to Nevva.

"Do your best," he told her, handing her the last foam ball.

"Don't worry," she assured him. "I'm great at this game."

With that, she pulled out a new can of pepper spray and beamed the stall keeper in the eyes. Once the faceless was visually incapacitated, she jumped the counter, ran up to the hoop, and dramatically dunked it before hopping the counter again to stand beside Boris. The cat looked at her in what must have been incredulous awe. She smiled back, tweaking her bowtie.

When the faceless recovered, Nevva held out her hand expectantly.

He stared blankly at her, two swollen splotches where his eyes might have been. "W-what?" he stuttered, furious. "Are you kidding me? You just— she just— didn't you see?" When he saw no sympathy coming from the cat, he sighed. "Y'know what? Whatever," he muttered, dropping a plastic bag with a fish inside into her waiting hand.

Nevva stared at the bag. Was this…? Could it be…? There was only one way to find out.

"Boris!" she shouted, drawing some passersby's attention. Nevva hadn't noticed, but after the pepper spray thing, she was beginning to draw a crowd.

"Um, yeah?"

"Tell me, is this the spawn of a space whale?" she shoved the bag into his hand.

"How am I supposed to know?" he took a step back.

"Cats like fish, so you should be able to tell," she informed him. _All _cats know that.

"Okay, okay. Geez," he muttered, raising the bag to the light.

However, as fate would have it, at that moment a little faceless ran by and bumped Boris. This action, as fate would have it, caused the cat to stumble and lose his grip on the bag. This action, as fate would have it, caused the bag to go flying away in a slow-motion effect, the crowd watching with large non-eyes as it made contact with the pavement. This action, as fate would have it, caused the bag to burst open and send the tiny fish head first down a sewage drain.

The crowd was silent except for a bawling baby. Anyone with Nevva knowledge would recognize this silence as a foreshadow of what the cat's fate was. Unfortunately, Boris did not hear the baby, as he was completely focused on the evil aura emanating from Nevva.

"Boris…" Her voice was quiet, but it seemed to resound over the carnival music playing in the background. "What. Have. You. _Done?"_

"I-I'm sorry?" Boris took a step back. The crowd made way for him.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Nevva roared, advancing on Boris. "I HAD THAT SHOT AT FINDING A SPACE WHALE AND YOU— BRILLIANT YOU— SCREW IT UP FOR ME! WELL, HERE'S WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO THAT!" Stepping forward again, she ripped off Boris's chain with a fury.

The crowd and Nevva hushed when Boris's skirt hit the ground. _Oh,_ Nevva hit the pause button on her cyclopean outrage. _So that's what the chain was for._

"Ah…" she muttered, searching for something to make the moment less awkward. "Nice boxers. Pink's a good color for you."

Boris silently turned red as a snicker rippled through the crowd.

"I'm… I'm gonna go now," she shuffled her feet when the comment didn't work.

"Um, yeah," Boris muttered. "Me too."

****

Pasty Face's request was to pants Boris. Because she's _A REVIEWER _and awesome, I decided to stick that in there.

About Boris: Of course, one would (and should, for that matter) go for the purple, fluffy boa, but… there was nowhere to put it. The bowtie went around her neck, the knockoff scarf was for her waist… I considered having Nevva wear it for a turban, but there are some things that just should not be done.

Oh, and I really did pick up the book and count his piercings. Two on his right ear, three on his left, one on his tail, one on his belly button. And he really does wear a skirt. When I went back, I was like: *confused* Scottish?

Back to what I was saying: I was actually really disappointed when I discovered Boris was the Cat. He's just… not smiley enough. And I'm not getting the kind of insane vibe I think I deserve. Oh well; Ace's tent isn't yellow, Blood wasn't actually wearing his bowtie, life isn't perfect.

Doesn't mean it's not a heckalotta fun! (Except for the tent thing. I mean, come on. Does it not just scream yellow?)

My notes are seriously getting too long… Maybe I should just write a blog or something… But none of you would feel obligated to read it and I'd be ranting to a wall. Although that's not too different than what I usually do…

Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop.


	7. Jokers and Jingly Hats

**I can't believe I left you guys alone for an entire MONTH! What kind of stalker am I? But… I was busy… and the wave of sudden OC fics kinda scared me… I was intimidated and hid… But seriously, I was so intimidated that any desire to write just abandoned me.**

**Today, I had a very intellectual (lie) conversation on flying oranges. I mean, wouldn't that be the best thing (aside from space whales and sliced bread)? It's like a self-justifying food: if you can catch it, you deserve to eat it. It's a workout, sport, entertainment thing, and healthy snack all in one! Even better than flying bananas!**

**OH! Also, I'm doing a collab with FantasticalFantasy. It's called Lorina in Wonderland. Pretty much the only original character is Lorina, but I think it's still fun. So, drop by if you have the time! (I'm such a hypocrite about OC fics…)**

**On to comment responses! (Yay! I have a ton! Thank you so much, you amazing reviewers, you!)**

**Claire: … That is so not okay… Total violation of the awesomeness of the fedora… But was that a Frosty the Schmo-excuse me-Snowman reference? XD You are amazing, Claire. And schnothing… I will use that in the possibly distant future…**

**Earth: Aw, thank you! You are awesomer, so you don't have to worry about anything. And funny story how Nevva ended up there… *twitch* A hairy bishie… … … Well, he's definitely lacking love, so… *awkwardly steps away* Go for it…! Ehehehe… ehehe. But I would also love to hang out with Nevva. I wouldn't have to worry about paying for ANYTHING!**

**Blaze and Noshi: I hate to have to start lumping people together, but I love you both to an equal amount, so I hope you guys are okay with this… But thank you as always, you amazing people, you! *attackleglomps ferociously***

**Rose: *teary eyed* *attackleglomps* THANKYOUFORREADINGMYRANTS! And yes, he does wear capris… I just ignored that little fact for the purpose of making Nevva move on with her life. My bad…**

**Pasty: Haha, yeah… Sorry for ruining your image of him. However, I still want to keep this G-rated. (Because all the best entertainment nowadays comes in PG-13 format… Grr…)**

**Neko: I'm pretty sure I Pmed you about this, but I LOVE THAT IDEA. THANK YOU FOR-EVA!**

**Lover: Haha, thanks. I have this insane thing where I HAVE to be original. In fact, that is what haunts me every writing moment… O_O Even now… *spooky voice***

**Swirl: WELCOME TO THE CREW! *ferociously attackleglomps* (Sorry, my way of showing affection) And thank you for supporting the blog thing-it made me go :DDD. Like really, I had three mouths. I'm kinda glad you weren't there to see it.**

**Babbit: OMGYOU'REALIVE! I thought the man-eating butterflies got to you! I was so scared! *throws self into Babbit's probably irritated arms* *sobs* And YES. The space whale would be amazing.**

**Elise: ALSOWELCOMETOTHECREW! I'm really glad you liked it! I hope I can continue making you laugh!**

**Freaky: Yep! It's a play on Midnight Tea. And thank you so much for reviewing! I hope to see more of you in the future!**

"Space whale!" Nevva staggered forward. "Spaaaaaace whaaaaaale!"

Yes, Nevva was currently looking for the possible space whale spawn down in the sewers. Although you may think differently from past chapters, she is actually very persistent. Especially when it comes to space whales. Now, but to her chagrin, she was using her newly acquired and once very sparkly chain as an attempted sieve to find the spawn in the sewage. After an hour, she was surprisingly unsuccessful, although she found a number of other things. Among them were a corroded rubber duck, Tupperware, and a rat the size of a Yorkshire Terrier, all of which were released back into their environment.

However, ten minutes after, something else caught her eye: it was a lump of synthetic material that resembled seaweed. Nevva recognized it immediately.

"Loofah," she whispered in awe.

Wading forward, she picked it up with her forefinger and thumb. It was strangely fluffy and green, although it seemed to be once pink. Globules of unidentifiable substances stuck to it, giving the scrunchy material character. And though no spawn fell off of it, Nevva was able to find and pick off a waterlogged bug. Awe striking her again, she raised the common bathtub item.

"Loofah!" she shouted for no particular reason. Perhaps the amazing capabilities of the loofah would attract the possible space whale spawn. Alas, no spawn approached her, but Nevva didn't give up hope. "LOOFAH!" she called down the sewers, making the roaches on the wall scatter.

"LOOFAH!" she shouted once more.

This time, there was a banging and shuffling as a sewer grate above her lifted and moved to the side. A jingling sound preceded a costumed figure as he climbed down the ladder.

"Hello there, young lady," he smiled. He had on a black jester's hat and a black waistcoat, embroidered with the gold thread that all the role holders seemed to love. Nevva briefly wondered if they all shopped at the same place, but was interrupted as the red-haired man spoke again. "May I ask why you are in the sewers?"

Her mouth set as she cradled her loofah and continued looking him over. He looked somewhat familiar, what with his location and his eye patch. That eye patch…

"Sewer pirate!" Nevva accused with a pointed finger.

The pirate looked a little confused before giving an odd chuckle and offered his hand. "My name is Joker, but you may call me White."

Nevva looked at it disgustedly, not knowing where it had been. "I don't shake hands with sewer pirates."

Once again, the bepatched, jingly-hatted and costumed pirate gave a puzzled smile. "You don't have to worry, I'm not a sewer pirate. See?" he tipped his hat. "No sewer pirate I've met has a hat like this."

This comment struck her, and she contemplated it for a while before wading forward and shaking his hand, reluctantly releasing her loofa-clutch. "I'm Nevva. Have you seen any space whale spawn?"

Wiping his hand off on his pants, he shook his head with the same smile, "I'm… sorry, but no. How about you come out of there?"

Only sewer pirates are black-hearted enough to distract someone from finding space whale spawn. Nevva, knowing this, also knew that she had to escape the pirate before he actually wheedled her out of the sewer. Turning around, Nevva waded away as fast as she could before he could pursue her. She got a shocking ten feet away before her feet caught on something-possibly the rubber duck from earlier-and she was sent headlong into the sewage, smacking her head on the wall in the process.

"****, the ***** reeks."

Nevva blearily opened her eyes, blinking against the light and the sudden burst of pain to her head. It was a moment or two before she could make out the gray walls of her new environment. It was a moment or two more before she could focus on the silhouette of something familiar hovering over her face. Red hair, black suit, eye patch… she sat up quickly, smacking her forehead on her kidnapper's nose. As a result, both were immediately greeted by a wave of pain.

"****! What the **** was that for?" the redhead swore loudly, hand over his nose.

"Sewer pirate!" Nevva matched his volume with a pointed finger and a hand clasped to her head. Through the throbbing, she tried to piece together what had happened. First, she was in the sewers looking for the spawn, later found a loofah, and after that encountered a pirate. After luring her into a false sense of security, he tried to get her out of the sewers. Everything after that was black. Glaring at the target of her pointing, she realized that he must have brainwashed her, as all sewer pirates do, and taken her to this stone place. She glared at the pirate.

He looked like her abductor, but something seemed off. Although he seemed to have everything that the one in the sewer did, there was a definite difference. It clicked. "Where is your jingly hat and why did you kidnap me?" she didn't lower her finger until he swore at her again.

"Do I really look like the circus ******* to you?" he growled, examining his hand for blood.

So he wasn't the original sewer pirate? Nevva contemplated this slowly, turning it over in her mind until another voice was heard in the doorway that might or might not have been there previously.

"I see that you've woken up."

Turning toward the voice, she saw something that was uncannily familiar. Red hair, black suit, eye patch… She gasped, directing her pointed finger at his head. "Original sewer pirate!"

"Why the **** do you keep calling us sewer pirates?"

Nevva stared at him uncomprehendingly. "Because you were in the sewers and you have an eye patch."

"What the ****?"

Her logic was obviously superior.

"Let's reintroduce ourselves," White cut in, walking over and sitting by his pirate clone. "I'm White and this is Black."

"Hey, *****."

That name, coupled with his demeanor and appearance seemed more familiar than before. It had been years since her escape, and perhaps her memory failed her, but she threw it out there. "Black?" she grinned, smacking him on the back. "Black, from the mental ward! Am I right?"

His face told her she wasn't. Maybe she should stop shooting for that one.

"Erm…" she muttered when no one broke the very awkward silence. Glancing around for something to speak about, she ran over her items: Bowtie, jacket, belt, chain, loofah-

"My loofah!" she jumped up and patted herself down. "My bowtie! Where did every-"

"We sent them to be cleaned," White smiled. "After you tripped, everything was covered in sewage."

"Including you." Black gingerly touched his nose again.

"So why don't you wash up? We'll get have someone get you a change of clothes."

Nevva considered it. "Will I get my treasures back?"

"You call that **** treasure?"

"Yes," White interrupted.

"Okay."

With that, Black led her past a series of bars and locked doors.

"By the way, where am I?" Nevva trotted along behind him.

"You're in prison, *****," Black was holding a women's circus uniform that White had given him.

"Do you have Tourette's?"

"**** no."

"Is it frustrating to only have five words in your vocabulary?"

"We're here." he opened the door to a small gray bathroom with a single window. Tossing the clothes in, he shoved Nevva in as well.

"Be quick," Black ordered and shut the door, his footsteps clipping down the hall.

Nevva waited until the hall was silent before rinsing off her loofah, which had been given back on the condition that she _would_ bathe. Pulling up the pin that plugged the sink, she bent it so it wouldn't unclog itself and filled the sink halfway with water. **((Author's note: Good children, this will break your sinks, so please refrain from mimicking her actions.))** Although the loofah was now restored to a less-prominent-but-still-green-covered-pink, there was no telling what the sewer pirates had done to it. Just to be safe, she searched for bleach to mix with the water. In the cabinet there were various bottles filled with various substances for various uses, most of which were in clear bottles. Taking two out, Nevva unscrewed both their lids. The first smelled like ammonia, so she set it down absently and moved on, putting the lid to the side. On the second, the contents of the bottle were written on the side of the container in black permanent marker.

_Bleach_. Bingo. There was also a warning: _Do not mix with ammonia._

_Well,_ she dismissed the warning, _that's never going to happen. _Nevva dumped it into the water before opening the small window on the wall for ventilation. (She wasn't stupid.) This last matter was tougher, as she had to stand on the toilet just to reach the window. After that, she had to wedge her fingers into the crack and wrench it open, as it was stuck in place.

That taken care of, Nevva happily had the one-and-a-half hour shower necessary to scrub off all the sewage, then tacked on an extra thirty minutes to soak and to rinse off the loofah again. **((Note from the author: Even with ventilation, good children should never spend long amounts of time in a small area filled with fumes.)) **By the time she was dry and clothed, someone was pounding on the door.

"I said be quick, *****!"

"Who is it?" she called contentedly.

There was a pause.

"Santa Clause. It's me, you *****!"

She assumed it was Black.

"We have your 'treasures,'" White spoke.

"Really?" Nevva twirled to face the door.

_Clunk_.

"What was that?" Black demanded.

"Um, nothing!" Nevva quickly set the overturned ammonia bottle back in its position, screwing on the neglected lid to keep any more from spilling into the plugged sink. As she stuck the cleaners back in their places, she realized the full meaning of "We have your treasures." They were pirates. Once they saw her beautiful possessions, it was inevitable that they would want to keep them. Who knew if they would really give them back? She would have to corner them. Yes, she decided that she would have to trap them in a small space so they couldn't escape with her treasures. An idea came to her.

"Don't **** with us! If it was nothing, then get out here so you can leave!"

"The doorknob doesn't work."

This was true. She hadn't found out until just before they came, but the knob on the inside was broken and wouldn't turn. It didn't seem like a big deal, though, because she figured she could just climb through the window. Although it was small, it seemed like it was just wide enough to fit her.

"Alright," White said. "We'll come in and check it out."

The door swung open and White stepped in, followed by a Black who had his arms filled with her various tchotchkes. With his everlasting smile, White nodded to Nevva and stood beside her to see the doorknob. His gloved fingers played over the handle as he examined the damage.

"Hm," he muttered. "I can't see what's-"

Nevva slammed the door shut, making half of the knob pop off into White's hand.

Silence.

Five seconds passed. Nevva began to feel like she did something she shouldn't have.

Black pounded on the door frantically and started cursing. First at the door, then at her.

"****! You ******* *****! What the ******* **** was that **** for? Now we're all ******* stuck thanks to some half-***** mistake that you just had to ******* make!"

She thought her actions over. At first, shutting the door seemed like a good idea, but perhaps it would have been better if she were on the other side. Well, she would just have to remember it for next time. Currently, she had more pressing matters to attend to. "Don't act innocent!" Nevva shouted back. "You would never return my things otherwise!"

White's smile looked strained. "Nevva, we don't want your possessions, we have enough of our own."

"Oh."

"'Oh'? You lock us in here and the only ******* thing you can say is OH? You **** load of ******* *****!"

Nevva was quiet. "Fine," she growled. "I'll just climb out the window and let you guys in."

The brothers noticed the window and looked a little less furious.

"Alright," White said. "Black, help her up."

Black rolled his eyes, but boosted her high enough to crawl out through the window. Once she was out, White gave her directions, but paused at the end.

"…and that's-Do you smell something?"

Black sniffed the air. "Bleach?"

White thought for a moment, "Maybe. Nevva, did you mix any chemicals?"

"Um," Nevva paused, looking at both the jokers, realizing that she may have done something she shouldn't have. What did she learn about ammonia and bleach? It felt important. It felt really important. "Um…" She shut the window and ran off.

Almost five minutes later, Nevva opened the door to the bathroom.

"Wow," she staggered back. "It _does_ smell weird in here."

On the floor were two unconscious Jokers, one holding all her possessions. Nevva went to work. First, she donned the jacket, then knotted the scarf, hooked the chain, tied the bowtie, and slipped the loofah string around her wrist. She turned to leave, but was stopped by a small jingling sound. Looking down, she found that her foot had nudged White's hat.

Nevva exited the building that day never having felt better about herself. Not only was she clean, but she jingled and had acquired a fashionable new eye patch. Against all odds, she had gotten a loofah, retrieved her treasures, and defeated the sewer pirates in an epic two-to-one battle.

Things were looking up.

**Aaaaaaaaaaand, by an overwhelming popularity vote, White's jingly hat has been successfully stole-obtained by our heroine!**

**Alright, one last note: The mixing of ammonia and bleach creates a gas called hydrazine THAT CAN KILL YOU. Please do not ever try to replicate Nevva's methods, as she is immortal and you are not.**

**That aside, I AM SO SORRY FOR ABANDONING YOU GUYS! However, debate season has ended, so updates should come a little bit quicker.**

**How great would it be if I started a space whale fad? It would be like me-worship, but better!**


End file.
